The Underbelly
of Pregnancy
by Lisa Bessolo
When I saw that I was pregnant, it was hard for my mind to wrap around this new reality. I stared at the familiar EPT stick with two lines in the tiny window instead of one. I bounded out of the bathroom and stuck it under my husband’s nose. He wanted to know what it meant. Was I finally pregnant? Yes. We’d been trying for almost two years. He’d just wired money to a Mexican bank to buy property in Baja and couldn’t get it back. I assured him that everything would be fine and maybe in some existential way, we had to let go of that money to make room for the baby. I crawled into bed and we stared at my stomach. We were anxious, excited and a little bit in denial.
What I found out after going through my pregnancy, labor and delivery was that there was a lot more denial going around than I realized. Things my pregnancy books didn’t talk about and my procreating girlfriends didn’t discuss. Most women know about having enough folic acid in their system before getting pregnant. This way, the baby can draw off the B vitamin reserve during the first six weeks when the neural tube is forming and decrease the chances of spina bifida (a deformity of the spinal column in the baby.) This information is openly discussed while other issues surrounding the mother and her body are not.
Was there a polite conspiracy of silence? Maybe there’s a reason some unpleasant aspects of childbirth are not thoroughly hashed over. As potential mothers, maybe we have a low threshold for how much gross information we want to learn. I remember reading ahead to month nine in my copy of “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” when I was only in month four, to see what was in store. I didn’t trust some of the benign information (nesting! sore nipples!) I wanted the gritty truth about epidurals. Tell me about the extreme pain of childbirth, experiencing severe post-partum depression or even the intense joy of holding your precious newborn coupled with the intense fear that something bad might happen.
I was tired of surprises. Being the semi-morbid person that I am, I was expecting the worst from the beginning. I tried to stay positive in spite of the constant indigestion and I felt ok if not great during the long ten months (I’d always thought it was nine months.) I was worried that I might even die during the delivery. I knew that cesareans overall were more dangerous than vaginal deliveries and that women did die sometimes due to childbirth complications (according to the Center for Disease Control, during 1982–1996, the annual maternal mortality ratio was approximately 7 to 8 maternal deaths per 100,000 live births.) This wasn’t discussed anywhere. Maybe I wanted to know what the odds were, like getting hit by lightening is 100 times more likely than dying during delivery.
Every woman’s experience is unique. For example, delivering at home with a midwife can be a beautiful experience (giving birth in a warm bath, kneeling on a comfy futon, etc) or a home delivery might turn into a hellish session of non-productive contractions, screaming at your mate and midwife, and curling up in a ball in every room in the house.
Topics No One Enjoys Talking About:
Fertility/Infertility
Because this is an issue every woman deals with consciously or subconsciously, I wanted to address this right away. I was an older mother (over 35) and told by my doctor that it would take longer to get pregnant than a 25 year old due to many factors: my imperfect older eggs, the possibility of endometriosis and less follicle stimulating hormone being released. But the biggest issue I faced every day while trying to get pregnant, was feeling like an inferior, broken woman who wasn’t fertile enough to reproduce. It took about a year and eight months for me to conceive. I did find out later that my uterus is in a “tipped back” position and this can affect conception.
I wanted to be pro-active. People including my doctor, said that I was still a “young pup” and it would happen. But I worried because I knew my child-bearing days were finite. In my twenties, the years stretched out ahead of me and I knew I had time to decide about babies, but in my thirties, there was a brick wall with a big black 40 stenciled on it in front of me. I’d spent years trying not to get pregnant and now it was elusive.
I went to a fertility specialist in Seattle, a grandfatherly-type who put me at ease. He explained all of the steps that women go through along the way to becoming pregnant. The first step was to figure out if and when I was ovulating. I took my basal body temperature every morning for three months before anything else and then wrote down the temperature on a graph. My husband and I also had sex every chance we got for good luck. Since I was ovulating, the next step was to undergo a procedure called a hysterosalpingogram or HSG.
An HSG is an infertility test that shows whether both fallopian tubes are open and whether the shape of the uterine cavity is normal. Dye is injected through the cervix and x-rayed as it coats the inside of the uterus and flows out the fallopian tubes. I had some slight pooling in my tubes and the doctor suggested that my next step might be a laparoscopy (a small incision is made near the navel and a laparoscope is inserted to view the abdominal cavity.) Luckily, I was pregnant the next month, possibly due to the dye going through my tubes so I didn’t have to do this.
Moodiness From Hormones
Do I need to say more? Estrogen and progesterone hormone levels are fluctuating on a daily basis. This definitely affects your mood. Exercising more and cutting down on caffeine, sugar and chocolate can balance out the mood swings.
Anal Cramps
I had severe anal cramps for most of my pregnancy. It was like having menstrual cramps but not in my abdomen. When I asked my doctor and my friends who’ve had kids, none of them had heard of this before.
Your Belly
During the “oh my god, my stomach cannot get any bigger” phase (I said this to my husband constantly), my stomach did get bigger (the baby needs room to stretch out) and not only that, my stomach itched like crazy as the skin stretched tighter and tighter. I rubbed oil on it (coconut, olive, almond) and it felt better.
Taking Care of Your Pregnant Self
To reduce parenting anxiety, be sure to schedule time for parenting classes at the local hospital, including a baby CPR class, and don’t wait until the last minute because the baby could come early. Be sure to get your mate/baby daddy to attend these with you if possible.
Take prenatal yoga. It feels good to stretch. I also appreciated the built-in support group of women at various stages of pregnancy. The 38 week woman with the huge stomach compared to the 14 week bump.
Drink pregnancy tea before and after baby is born. Pregnancy tea made by Traditional Medicinals is made of rose hips, raspberry leaf, strawberry leaf and nettles to tone uterine muscles and provide nourishment. Nettles also increase the richness and the amount of breast milk (Susun S. Weed, Wise Woman Herbal).
Massage therapy: Why is massage helpful during pregnancy? A woman’s body is trying to adjust to the front-bearing weight of the growing fetus and bigger boobs. This additional weight can cause stress on the lower back and shoulders. Massage during pregnancy increases blood circulation, decreases blood pressure and heart rate, and most importantly, prepares the body for labor. Massage should be avoided during the first trimester. (Tisha Held, LMP, Northwest Baby and Child)
Lack Of Sleep Due To Having To Pee Constantly
There is an interesting thing that happens as the baby grows. Your sleep pattern will start to resemble the baby’s sleeping schedule. The amount of time you spend in deep sleep will shrink and the amount of REM sleep will increase, which is a lighter sleep so you have more dreams and wake up more often. It seems like a super smart survival plan for the newborn so the mom will wake up and take care of its needs.
Indigestion/Acid Reflux
I had the worst indigestion almost every day past the third month. I chewed tons of papaya tablets, ate extra strength Tums, drank ginger tea and peppermint tea, stopped eating salsa and anything fried… and I still had the worst indigestion.
“Game Over”
During my last trimester, I was afraid of waking up one fine morning and my baby would be dead. I know this sounds horrible, but I would wake up and if I didn’t feel the baby moving, I would wait, start crying and wake up my husband saying, “I don’t feel the baby moving” and this would get my husband moving. I would walk to the kitchen, gently prodding my stomach and sit down to call my doc’s office and boom, the baby would kick or stretch. PHEW. This was repeated several times during my last trimester. It’s good to be aware of fetal activity as a way of monitoring the baby’s health, but try not to get too carried away. Remember that the baby does sleep a hell of a lot inside you.
Losing Your Mucus Plug (Or Bloody Show)
This is a sign of impending labor, but there’s no definite timetable for when that labor will occur based on the loss of the plug. This plug of clear, pink or bloody mucus was in the cervical canal, providing a barrier that protected the uterus from bacteria during pregnancy. Calling it “Bloody Show” is fun because it sounds like an Englishman cursing: “Oh bloody show, I just spilled my gin!”
Throwing Up During Labor
I threw up at least three times that I can remember. It was hard since I already felt out of control from the painful contractions and then to be throwing up just added to my misery. My doctor said that was how my body managed pain. She said some people have diarrhea…some people puke.
When You’re Pushing For All You’re Worth, You Might Poo A Little
It’s O.K. It’s all right. Everyone (nurses, friends, your mate) is too busy with more important matters like the miraculous birth process and the mom’s well being to care about a little poop. This happened to me and it was cleaned up and gone before it could even really register.
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Oxygen
I fainted while I was in labor and I remember watching my husband chatting with my doctor and nurse as I got pinpoint vision and a loud noise rushed in my ears. Luckily, my best friend saw my feeble hand wave and got their attention. They put an oxygen mask on me and I felt better immediately. I didn’t want to take it off.
Episiotomy
I had one and I think a lot of women delivering in hospitals do receive one when the baby is crowning in active labor and not passing through easily. Even though I have freckly, stretchy skin (according to my doctor) I had also been pushing for three hours, so when Frankie’s head was there at the door, he needed to come through quickly. I was so tired and delirious, that when my doctor said, “I need to make more room; I’m going to give you a little snip” my thoughts were, “Great, just get that giant head out now!” I didn’t feel much, just a little pinch.
I thought the idea of a surgical cut in the muscular area between the vagina and the anus (the perineum) sounded like sadistic torture until I was in the second phase of labor with a baby’s head stuck in my vaginal opening. I know that many labor plans state “No episiotomy!” because I’ve seen them in patients’ charts, but some OB docs believe a big tear is worse and takes longer to heal than a controlled cut.
I don’t think episiotomies should be done unless the baby is in distress or the mom has a very small opening. Afterwards at home, I felt really sore and months later during sex, I still felt a little pain in my vagina. This finally went away completely.
Taking Arnica Montana tablets, a natural anti-inflammatory, is a good way to reduce bruising and swelling after delivery. Take Arnica four times a day for up to two days (o.k. to take during lactation.) And using progesterone cream topically a few months down the road can also help with any residual pain.
Returning Home
The harsh reality is that after your baby is out, your stomach looks like you’re still about five to six months pregnant. It does not in any way resemble the flat stomach you had ten months ago. The enlarged uterus needs about six weeks to get back to its pre-pregnancy size. (The average amount of weight lost in delivery is 12 pounds.) Breast feeding accelerates the shrinking process and you might feel a slight pinching while breast feeding as the uterus gets reigned back in. Breast feeding can also make your nipples sore. I rubbed pure lanolin on mine. Another ointment called Hypercal made by Nelson’s (a combination of avocado oil, calendula and hypericum) was recommended for healing nipples in Natural Mothering by Nicky Wesson. Letting them air dry after nursing is helpful.
When I first returned home from the hospital, it felt weird to shift into high maintenance baby mode. I thought delivering a baby should have earned me some free time, preferably on a sunny beach. But no, the baby project continued and my husband and I tried to remember to be gentle with each other. After a few weeks of sleep-deprivation, we had some definite mean moments. So we’d argue and make up, realize that we were tired and transitioning from one way of life to another that for the time being was ALL about baby Frankie. I definitely felt emotional even when I felt happy overall.
Remember to get out of the house. Go to the park, the zoo, a museum, walk inside the mall or go to a friend’s house. Join a gym where you work out and baby’s in daycare. I went somewhere almost everyday regardless of weather. Check out movie theaters with “cry rooms” in the back which have a glass front to block potential baby noise. Very fun watching a movie while eating popcorn and breast feeding simultaneously.
Lochia
The word sounds ugly and what we’re talking about here is bleeding into a maxi pad for at least two weeks and maybe up to six weeks. I also started my period at seven weeks which is not supposed to happen when you’re still breastfeeding. I did find out that it can start early if you supplement the baby’s breastfeeding with a bottle of formula like I did. I also wasn’t sleeping with baby, so my hormones felt free to return to a level that brought on my period.
Pieces Of Placenta Can Remain Inside You; They Look Like Little Pieces Of Purple Liver (uggh)
If you’ve been taking regular showers and one day notice a foul odor emitting from the vagina, it might be caused by some leftover placenta inside the uterus. I had this experience; two little pieces of placenta fell out in the shower as I explored with my finger. I was shocked since I didn’t know it was common for this to happen. One of my friends had a low grade infection and fever caused by placenta left in her uterus and had to be hospitalized. Luckily mine just oozed out on its own. Yuck.
Post-Partum Depression
Some doctors might miss a new mother’s symptoms of depression by not asking the right questions. A doctor might decide it’s just hormonal “baby blues” that everyone goes through and mom just need a mani/pedi or a night out with the girls. Some women also pretend to be less depressed than they really are in the presence of their doctor or midwife. Maybe they think that no one can understand what they are going through.
Listen to your intuition— it might be telling you that something is seriously wrong.
Some symptoms include: Severe insomnia so it’s hard to sleep when the baby’s sleeping, lack of typical personal hygiene, feeling consumed with guilt or dreading the normal daily things of life and making them more difficult than they might need to be.
Post-partum depression is extremely common and can last up to a year. New parents need to realize that they’re at baby boot camp and the baby is in charge and doesn’t care about your coping skills. Talking to a therapist can help. I went to see a psychologist who drew me a pie chart to illustrate how short of a time early motherhood is compared to the rest of my life. She said something like, “You’ve got to act like you’ve just entered a new country called Babylandia and all the rules have changed. Just go with the flow as you learn to adapt.” So I tried to be kinder to myself and I tried to adapt. I also realized that when I’m sleep-deprived, I feel depressed, so my husband and I came up with a sleep plan. A couple nights a week, one of us got to sleep in the guest room for a completely uninterrupted night of sleep.
Lemon balm and blessed thistle are two herbs that author Susun S. Weed recommends in her Wise Woman Herbal book to help parents cope with new baby stress. You can find them in teas or in capsules. Also breastfeeding has proven to be the best cure for postpartum depression because it increases the endorphin level and allows the body to regain hormonal balance slowly.
The key to surviving early motherhood is developing a support group; if you can find other moms to talk to and do things with, this will help keep you sane and busy. Whether through a local hospital that offers parent and baby support groups or a grassroots program like the one I joined in Seattle called PEPS (Program for Early Parent Support.) My best advice is to stop listening to everyone else’s advice, or rather, listen and then do what you think is best. Listen to your intuition. It’s always right there inside, quietly guiding you.
